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Dear Dave,
Our daughter is 24, engaged to be married, and we can’t afford to pay for the kind of wedding she wants. My husband and I have had some financial difficulty over the last few years, and we are finally beginning to slowly dig our way out. On top of this, we’re still paying on her student loan from college. Should we let her know the situation up front, and how can we keep from feeling guilty about things?
Gina
Our daughter is 24, engaged to be married, and we can’t afford to pay for the kind of wedding she wants. My husband and I have had some financial difficulty over the last few years, and we are finally beginning to slowly dig our way out. On top of this, we’re still paying on her student loan from college. Should we let her know the situation up front, and how can we keep from feeling guilty about things?
Gina
Dear Gina,
The big thing is that first you and your husband should be on the same page. You need to come to a decision about exactly what you’re willing and able to do. It doesn’t sound like it will be much, though. Especially if you’re trying to get your own finances in order and still paying on her student loan.
Now, how do you not feel guilty about all this? I think that’s a personal journey you’ll both have to take. A wedding is a wonderful thing, but it’s not any less wonderful when it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. It also doesn’t make you child abusers or bad parents just because you’re not willing to go $20,000 into debt to throw a fancy wedding!
I think, too, that you owe this kid some straightforward and honest communication. Most 24-year-olds don’t have a firm grasp on reality. Even at that age, they don’t think about where the money’s coming from. They’re just bopping along and assuming Mom and Dad will pull thousands of dollars out of the air for a big Barbie and Ken wedding. She needs to know that things just aren’t like that in the real world.
Let her know that you love her and want to help, but you’re going to be very limited on what you can do financially. Besides, you can have a great wedding without throwing around lots of cash. A marriage is about love, not dollar signs. And when it comes to the money, a wedding is like anything else you’d buy. My rule of thumb is pay cash or don’t do it!
—Dave
The big thing is that first you and your husband should be on the same page. You need to come to a decision about exactly what you’re willing and able to do. It doesn’t sound like it will be much, though. Especially if you’re trying to get your own finances in order and still paying on her student loan.
Now, how do you not feel guilty about all this? I think that’s a personal journey you’ll both have to take. A wedding is a wonderful thing, but it’s not any less wonderful when it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. It also doesn’t make you child abusers or bad parents just because you’re not willing to go $20,000 into debt to throw a fancy wedding!
I think, too, that you owe this kid some straightforward and honest communication. Most 24-year-olds don’t have a firm grasp on reality. Even at that age, they don’t think about where the money’s coming from. They’re just bopping along and assuming Mom and Dad will pull thousands of dollars out of the air for a big Barbie and Ken wedding. She needs to know that things just aren’t like that in the real world.
Let her know that you love her and want to help, but you’re going to be very limited on what you can do financially. Besides, you can have a great wedding without throwing around lots of cash. A marriage is about love, not dollar signs. And when it comes to the money, a wedding is like anything else you’d buy. My rule of thumb is pay cash or don’t do it!
—Dave
Dear Dave,
I recently heard someone on television say it was a good idea to cancel the collision and comprehensive portions of your auto insurance coverage if you want to save money. What do you think about this? My husband and I are trying to follow your plan. We have $1,000 in our emergency fund, and we drive a couple of old, used cars. Would this idea work for us?
Anonymous
I recently heard someone on television say it was a good idea to cancel the collision and comprehensive portions of your auto insurance coverage if you want to save money. What do you think about this? My husband and I are trying to follow your plan. We have $1,000 in our emergency fund, and we drive a couple of old, used cars. Would this idea work for us?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Obviously you’ll save money if you’re not paying out as much to the insurance company. But I don’t think dropping that coverage is a good idea. Let’s say you don’t have much money saved up, and then you total your car. How’re you going to get to work or to the grocery store? It would leave you in a bad situation, wouldn’t it?
If you’re driving a couple of beaters, the insurance doesn’t cost that much. Cheap cars mean cheap insurance. Self-insuring is a good idea sometimes with some things, but I don’t believe in it when you’re talking about your cars and you’re broke! In my case, I’ve got enough money to just write a check and buy another car if something happens to mine. But when I added up what the car costs versus what they charge me for insurance, it looks like a decent deal to me. I’m just not willing to take the risk with that much money.
The purpose of insurance is to protect you from risks that you are unwilling or unable to take yourself. That’s why I still have full coverage on my car. The cost benefit analysis told me it was a good idea. I suggest you keep it, too!
—Dave
Obviously you’ll save money if you’re not paying out as much to the insurance company. But I don’t think dropping that coverage is a good idea. Let’s say you don’t have much money saved up, and then you total your car. How’re you going to get to work or to the grocery store? It would leave you in a bad situation, wouldn’t it?
If you’re driving a couple of beaters, the insurance doesn’t cost that much. Cheap cars mean cheap insurance. Self-insuring is a good idea sometimes with some things, but I don’t believe in it when you’re talking about your cars and you’re broke! In my case, I’ve got enough money to just write a check and buy another car if something happens to mine. But when I added up what the car costs versus what they charge me for insurance, it looks like a decent deal to me. I’m just not willing to take the risk with that much money.
The purpose of insurance is to protect you from risks that you are unwilling or unable to take yourself. That’s why I still have full coverage on my car. The cost benefit analysis told me it was a good idea. I suggest you keep it, too!
—Dave
Ramsey's syndicated program "The Dave Ramsey Show", is heard on over 450 radio stations throughout the United States, as well as on XM and Sirius satellite radio. He has written numerous books. In this articles Dave answers questions for listeners to his is radio program.......
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Posted: February 18th, 2010
Dear Dave,
I want to buy a foreclosure. How do I go about it, and where do I look? I’m having a hard time making anything happen, because it seems like the real estate brokers are buying them up before I know they’re available or have a chance to look at them.
Jeff
I want to buy a foreclosure. How do I go about it, and where do I look? I’m having a hard time making anything happen, because it seems like the real estate brokers are buying them up before I know they’re available or have a chance to look at them.
Jeff
Dear Jeff,
I used to buy and sell foreclosures for a living, and for a while I ran into the same trouble you’re having now. It didn’t take long for me to realize that you need to be the first one to talk to the person who’s suffering the foreclosure. It can almost be a first-come, first-served situation, and you need to beat a path to the person’s door in a hurry if you want a chance to make a deal!
Another problem I noticed was that a lot of the people who were being foreclosed on owed lots more on the house than I was ever willing to pay. Plus, it’s really tough to get a short sale worked out in the two or three weeks before the foreclosure actually occurs. So, I started looking for houses that had some decent equity in them. I’d leave it alone if the house was worth $110,000 and there was still $100,000 owed. But if you’ve got a situation where they owe $100,000 and it’s worth $300,000, then we’ve got something to talk about!
Once you find some good possibilities, cut them out of the local newspaper or legal publication, then go to the courthouse and look up how much each one of them owed. That culls about 90 percent of them. After that, I’d just drive over and talk to the 10 percent that are left. I found lots of good deals just talking to the owner before the foreclosure sale took place!
—Dave
I used to buy and sell foreclosures for a living, and for a while I ran into the same trouble you’re having now. It didn’t take long for me to realize that you need to be the first one to talk to the person who’s suffering the foreclosure. It can almost be a first-come, first-served situation, and you need to beat a path to the person’s door in a hurry if you want a chance to make a deal!
Another problem I noticed was that a lot of the people who were being foreclosed on owed lots more on the house than I was ever willing to pay. Plus, it’s really tough to get a short sale worked out in the two or three weeks before the foreclosure actually occurs. So, I started looking for houses that had some decent equity in them. I’d leave it alone if the house was worth $110,000 and there was still $100,000 owed. But if you’ve got a situation where they owe $100,000 and it’s worth $300,000, then we’ve got something to talk about!
Once you find some good possibilities, cut them out of the local newspaper or legal publication, then go to the courthouse and look up how much each one of them owed. That culls about 90 percent of them. After that, I’d just drive over and talk to the 10 percent that are left. I found lots of good deals just talking to the owner before the foreclosure sale took place!
—Dave
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